Filipino Expats Qatar

(FROM A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to
understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling
hot wax pour it onto your hand, rip the hair out by the root, and still be
afraid of a spider.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted
to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep,"
the wife replied, "in-laws."

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
The wife said "See".

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going
argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and
frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough.
I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those
results, I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports.

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was
faster than hell. Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning
suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of
course, the power went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and

TEACHER: Class, draw a fish...!
CLASS: Yes ma'am!
TEACHER: Pedro, why is ur drawing very dirty..?
PEDRO: Ma'am, bagoong po yan."

Pulis at Intsik:
Pulis: boss konting abuloy lang, may namatay na pulis.
Intsik: ako malaki migay amuloy masta alaw-alaw melon pulis paktay oke.

PASYENTE: Dok. . . Ninenerbyos po ako! First operation ko po ito.
DOK: Alam ko ang nararamdaman mo. . .Kasi ikaw rin ang una kong pasyente"

Tanga: kamusta yung exam mo.
Bobo: wala ako nasagutan, blanko yung papel ko. Ikaw?
Tanga: naku, blangko din yung papel ko, baka sabihin ni titser,
nagkopyahan tayo

WIFE: maghiwalay na tayo!
MAN: ok,akin ang bahay!
WIFE: akin ang farm!
MAN: akin ang kotse!
WIFE: ah pero akin driver
MAN: pwes, magkakamatayan tyo, MATAGAL NA SIYANG AKIN!"

Mrs: hoy!! Tama na yang beer mo masyado ka magastos
Mr: Ikaw make-up mo ang magastos
Mrs: Nagpapaganda ako para syo
Mr: Ako umiinom naman para gumanda ka!"

May bagong kasal:

(Voted Women's Favorite Email of the Year. )

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next
morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, Drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping.

Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.

(in a cabinet meeting ...)
GMA: oshige ... Kung shino man ang tamaan ng bola na
'to ay siyang magre-reshign
(initsa ang bola, tumalbog pabalik as kanya ...)
GMA: o ... Praktish lang un noh? Ulet!

Holduper: pili ka, wallet MO o pasabugin utak MO?
Biktima: bahala ka..bsta pareho Po yan walang laman!

Director: "SIr, we have to do something with our
Population program. A woman gives birth every 30
Seconds here in the Philippines. ..
Erap: "Ha?, you're right...FIND THAT WOMAN!!!"

Pare1: Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang
Syota? Wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Pare2: Meron.. Manhid ka lang!

Dalawang magbarkadang engot:
Engot 1: Pare akyatin MO na yung puno para malaman
Natin kung hinog na yung mga mangga.
Engot 2: Sige pare... (umakyat)
Engot 2: Pare hinog na! Manilaw-nilaw na at medyo
Malambot na yung iba. Ang bango nga dito he!
Engot 1: Ay ayan! O, halika na rito bumaba ka na para
Masungkit na natin
Engot 2: (bumaba) ay, pare, naiwan ko yung panungkit

A Chemistry teacher asked a sexy student, "What are NITRATES?
The student replied shyly, "Ma'am, sa motel po.
NITRATES are higher than day rates!"

Usapan ng dalawang mayabang...
Tomas: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala
niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
Diego: Alam ko.
Tomas: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?
Diego: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.

WHO'S GUILTY?
Wife dreaming in the middle of the night
suddenly shouts, "Quick, my husband is back!"
Man gets up, jumps out the window and realizes, "Damn! I am the husband!"

Josh: Kumusta ang assignment?
Ricardo: Masama. Wala akong nasagutan. Blank paper ang ipinasa ko.
Josh: Naku, ako rin! Paano 'yan? Baka isipin
nila, nagkopyahan tayo?!

Toto: Pangarap ko, kumita ng P250,000 monthly gaya ni daddy!
Juvy: Wow! Ganyan kalaki ang kinikita ng daddy mo?
Toto: Hindi! 'Yan din ang pangarap niya!

Dok: May taning na ang buhay mo.
Juan: Wala na bang pag-asa? Ano po ba ang dapat kong gawin?

There is a bill filed by Sen. Lito Lapid asking that proposed laws should be written in Filipino (Pilipino). Likewise official spoken language in the senate should be in Filipino.

This is somewhat similar to the last year's proposal. So, I believe that this would be voted again by the President as what had happened in 2003.

Read on to know why.

A young, good-looking representative from Laguna sponsored a bill recommending Filipino language be used in all

Mga kabayan, idle time ko ngayon.

Kayo ano usually ginagawa nyo in this situation?

1) Texting
2) Calling friends
3) Uploading photos sa friendster
4) Friendster pa rin, reading comments of friends
5) Friendster ulit, looking for updates of friends
6) Poetry
7) Job sites
8) Internet sites sa mga balita sa Pinas
9) Other sites
10) Read the newspaper na nasa reception
11) Makipagkulitan sa office mate na idle din
12) Matulog
13) None of the above

### walang assignment

Jun-jun: Inay! Ako lang ang nakasagot sa tanong ng titser namin
kanina!
Inay: Very good! Ano ba ang tanong n titser ninyo?
Jun-jun: Sino ang walang assignment?

### hugis ng mundo

Titser: Ano ang hugis ng mundo?
Juan: Kuwadrado po, maam!
Titser: Hindi! Ang mundo ay bilog.
Juan: Pero maam, sabi ng lolo ko, narating na niya ang APAT na sulok
ng mundo. May sulok po ba ang bilog?

### calendar method

Thelma: Sabi mo, dok, safe ang calendar method. Bakit ako nabuntis?
Dok: Paano nyo ba ginamit ang kalendaryo?
Thelma: Ginawa naming banig.

### hi jack

Nagkita sa airport ang dalawang kolokoy...
Gorio: O, pare, anong nangyari sa ‘yo? Bakit ginulpi ka sa loob
ng eroplano?
Kulas: Ewan ko nga. Binati ko lang naman ang natanaw kong kaibigan
ng, HI JACK!!!

### may bonding

Atorni: Gaano ka katagal ni-rape ng nasa-sakdal?
Virginia: Mga limang oras po!
Atorni: Limang oras ka ginahasa?!

Boy, the first time I saw this, I was really amazed more than anything else... Then I showed this to an Indian friend and she really confirmed that this is the way they make tea specially in Kerala area. And according to her it really tastes very good. Watch it!!!